Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
