You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
