Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
