I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
porn star boner night. come get it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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