It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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