It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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