He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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