no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
