there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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