wakey wakey hands off snakey
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
