mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
and she was petting her beer can
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
FUCK WHALES
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
