I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
