No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
