im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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