He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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