Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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