the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Someone shattered a urinal.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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