You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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