I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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