She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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