i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can't put those talents on a resume
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
