Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
