I just cut my nipple shaving
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
