This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
