:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
