So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
