I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
