Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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