I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize