so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
