Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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