i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
