i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
