ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
