So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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