guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
