So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
