She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
