I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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