He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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