U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
