just come out here and I will go home with you...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
