Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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