did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
