would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
