I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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