Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
