I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
