I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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