just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
