talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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