Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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