what day is it and did you see me today?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
