were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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