I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
