Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize