i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
