I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
