can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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