my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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