whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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