susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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