I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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