3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
