Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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