i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
