Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize