My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
