I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
