but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
