Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
