my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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