at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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